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Thursday, 23 September 2010

thematic apperception test

It pisses me off when my willingness to try to remain open to others' needs and foibles, my mindfulness is trashed by licentiousness or carelessness in their actions, deeds  and words.

When challenged, I'm treated effectively with contempt when the party feigns ignorance, or worse still, turns his/her misdemeanour into a cause célèbre, for some contrived hurt on their part, celebrating by accusation my supposed original offence in it .

My reaction to such wilful selfishness, narcissism actually,  to still defensive aggression on my part, my willingness and pliability turns to belligerent  avoidance, a real deep sense of helplessness.

Then, don't ask me to do stuff, using fanciful and loaded words like "engagement". Don't even, then when you're on top of everything again, encourage or try to inspire me, cause I find it false and patronizing. And when I respond with polite detachment, suggest that I have a problem with living, or joy, or some such kitchen-concocted psycho-babble.

I'm a naturally joyous entity without need of all the external trappings and hype -- both pernicious and precious. By the same token, I want neither to be your hero, nor your villain, coz that's your own unresolved stuff that results in the need to project.

I'm just...